Love Language

Love Language  (a selection from Passionate Life coming fall 2017!

In January 2013 my sister became a mom for the first time to three amazing teenagers.  They  just happen to be from Ukraine.  After a two-year spiritual, emotional, and financial battle to legally call them their own, I decided to board a plane and fly across the ocean to see them!  My sister and brother-in-law were serving as missionaries when God finally made them parents.  Of course Auntie Heidi had to meet them!  Although they were going to come to America just 2 short months, I wanted to meet them in their culture, with their language and food and all the weird things I will come to love about them.  If my sister birthed them, of course I would be in the hospital room, so why not meet them in their origin of the birth of a new family.

My flight got in really late, and my niece and two nephews were not there to greet me at the airport (bummer).  My sister had waited 13 years for these babies, she was going to start them on great sleeping schedule, although they were 14, 15 and 16 years of age.  When we got to their house, she told me I could go upstairs and hug them.  The minute I opened the bedroom door this angel sat straight up and even in the dark I could see her perfectly-white giant smile.  IT WAS IMMEDIATE LOVE.  I cannot describe it.  My heart literally leapt out of my chest and I knew I was the aunt that would cry with her when that boy breaks her heart, that will eat chocolate and watch movies, that will take her shopping and buy her anything she wanted.  It was indescribable.  She wrapped her arms around me and said in a very thick Russian accent “Good Morning”.  (she meant Good Night and I was smitten).  And that exact scenario happened twice more with my nephews.

My sister and brother-in-law had been on a team to translate the Bible in the Tat tar language.  Tatars are a people group living among the Ukrainians.  This group of people have always been ostracized, a group less then others.  They are the outcast and overlooked.  My sister has always had a heart for this kind of a people so it was no surprised when she was called to translate God’s Word for them.  While serving, she also worked at an orphanage.  This is where she had met Dima and Victor.  She volunteered in their first grade class, taking them on field trips, providing gifts, educational material, workshops, and spiritually pouring into these 8-9 year old institutionalized kids without parents.  She fell in love with each and every kid.  Dima was the golden child; the bright one, the favored one, the teacher’s pet.  Victor was not.  He was picked on, beat up, and a little awkward.  My sister loved each and every one, but these two had a special place in her heart. 

After years of battling infertility I asked why she would not just adopt. Like go to the orphanage and pick a kid and come home and live Happy Ever After. (so naive)  Her words exactly and a pierce right to my heart-- “How do I pick?!  How unfair!”  But I knew she wanted to be a real mommy to these kids. She was weary and tired of leaving each day to not know what happens at night, when they were sick, not be taken care of.  Her heart was longing but how in the world could she chose?  After much prayer, and one after another child got adopted from that class (Which is completely a miracle in itself.  Kids in that “special” institution just don’t get adopted, especially almost an entire class)  God was parting the waters.  And guess who was standing right there in the middle:  Dima and Victor.  The ones she was meant to have.  (Three years later I still cry tears of joy.) 

During the entire process of major ups and downs, victories and losses-(which I highly recommend you read her blog- she should be writing the book not me!)** (In fact, please read her blog-grinnlife.blogspot.com)  She and Matt found that Victor and Dima had sisters and brothers.  Ukrainian law, at that time, stated that you have to adopt the entire sibling groups   So they opened the paper work to accept not just two kids, but five!  Through the investigation process they found one brother was too old, one sister was already with a foster family some how (pray for her) and then there was Tanya.  Our bright-eyed-giant-smiled-curly-red-headed precious Tanya!

Apparently Tanya was exactly a little orphan-Annie.  She was confident, in charge, and mothered everyone in that orphanage.  She did not need a family and she was apprehensive.  Some how though, my sister wooed her into our family and we cannot imagine life without her.

The first morning I really got to see them in the light Tammy let me do a devotion and she translated.  I so badly wanted to talk and ask questions and get to know my new family but the language barrier was discouraging.  So I tried to act out everything.  Each evening that week I would lie in bed with Tanya and read children stories in English and try to act out the story.  She would laugh until she fell out of the bed.  We fell in love.  With hardly any words exchanged she, Victor, Dima and I bonded. I WAS THEIR AUNT HEIDI!  And we didn’t have to say a word—we all just knew it.

First Morning I ever saw them!

I hear all the time how hard it is to believe because they can’t ‘hear’ God.  They talk and talk but receive no response.  The week I met my new family we shared maybe 3-4 real-understandable words, but it did not deter love from growing.  We couldn’t understand one another and it didn’t stop a bond from cultivating.  I can just imagine God jumping around trying to explain His love in a way we will hear it.  He is hugging, laughing, creating, and totally in love with you.  It is possible friend.  You can feel His Love without ‘hearing His voice’. 

Gotcha day!  They were a family!  From left to right: Victor, Matt, Tammy, Tanya, and Dima

I am just the Aunt and 100% into my niece and nephews.  Imagine being their parents.  They went through hell to get them, and will do it again.  In fact they are doing it again! (true saints ya’ll)  Same with our Heavenly Father.  He went through HELL to bring us home.  He is holy and perfect and we are not.  That mere fact separates us.  There had to be something to bridge the gap, something to overcome the language barrier and he provided it.  He is so smitten in love with you, He demonstrated it through a cruel death.  Just like me trying to act out Three Pigs with my niece- He acted out love by covering our un-holiness so we can be adopted into his family.  Omy word that is Love and it is YOU He loves.  Do you see it beloved?  He knows every freckle, thought, white lie, stupid joke and He is still totally and utterly and completely in love with you.  Enough to die to be with you!

Dima, Tanya, Victor

Tanya and Me (Photo bomb with Grand Parents!)

Being Real Real

Being Real

I’ve always been a competitive person. Not sure if it’s learned or taught, but in any and all activities, I want to be at the top. I want to win. I want the prize. The first big fight Marty and I had was over an UNO game.  As he laid down his second to last card - I yelled “UNO” before he could.  That’s when it hit the fan.  “You have to give me a chance” was his plea.  No I don’t.  Sometimes Passion and Competitiveness is NOT a good combination.  After 16 years, I’m not sure we’ve ever settled that argument, but we have learned to never play against one another again.  (Lesson here loved ones, life is too short-  We are on the same team.  But please let your sweet competitive loved one win gracefully and don’t be a sore looser).

Being in sales, a bloodthirsty spirit to be the top will help.  Not only did I want that big fat commission, the recognition was the kicker.  In Chris Woodward’s book LEADERSHIP REVOLUTION he states there are three levels to leading.  First level is Money.  That gets you in.  Leaders see the financial benefit and will go for it.  If a leader stays at this level, he’ll get burned eventually.  The second tier of leadership is recognition.  This is stronger than the pull of money. And I believe that.  For so long I was a self-hater and when I started to hear good things about myself through my successful sales,  it became a drug.  I needed more.  I wanted more.  I loved seeing my name on the top, I loved hearing my name called out, I loved the accolades, the titles, the photo-shopped pictures.  The last level that will keep a leader going according to Woodward is-- Life Destiny.  When a leader gets to this level- money, accolades etc., mean nothing unless you are MAKING a difference; when you are doing what you were put on earth to do.  (I finally feel like I’ve arrived here- but it was a humbling journey.)

I was stuck in level two for a long time.  I chased the next incentive, sometimes at all costs.  I put family, church, and self on the back burner to get to that next promotion.  It’s exhausting! I would arrive and was never satisfied.  I would work my tail off to sometimes fall short and be blinded of the benefits of what I had accomplished.   Being at the top was the only motivator.  Unfortunately, it was all about me, and how I would feel.  Sometimes the rewards were amazing and I relished in them; other times I would brush it aside to move to the next.  Not worth it.  I can see how people stuck in this cycle become a workaholic. It’s never ending, and much is never enough.  Although I was at the top of my game, I needed the next incentive to give me the rush. 

When you are using pride and acknowledgment as a leading cause to do your job, God will not honor it.  In fact, a Bible verse I learned as a tot was “Pride comes before the fall”.   And yes, my friends, it does.  At the top of my game, top in the company, only 22 out of 100,000 plus women I had arrived.  Although my team, my family, my ‘followers’ wanted to be where I was I knew the true motivation was not going to sustain.  AND then it happened.  Company structure change and I had to demote myself.  I had 18 months to hit certain numbers, which would be possible- but would take me working 24/7, ignoring my family, and throwing myself into my work.  God and I came face to face, and using my mentor- He spoke right to my soul.  Through her He said; “Heidi, if you are trying to stay at the top because of your pride, then God will never ever bless your business.”  Ouch- how about a slap in the face.

Embarrassment, Shame, fear, doubt; in my mind it would’ve been easier to be hit by a bus or struck by some ebola plague.  I had to face the people I have trained, poured into, encourage and tell them I am a failure, it’s harder than you think.  Oh how I’d like to be anywhere else.

Remember Jesus talking to the rich young ruler.  The ruler truly loved Jesus.  He said so.  He even asked how he could serve and love Jesus more.  Jesus knew the ruler was proud, He knew the ruler enjoyed the tributes, the honors, the position.  When asked to go sell all that he owned and humbly follow, the rich young ruler was unable to lay his pride down.  I know exactly how he felt.  He could see the headlines “Rich Young Ruler Loses Everything to Follow Homeless Guy.”  He had a reputation and it was more important than his relationship with Christ.

Let me caution you reader.  I am a sinner and I struggle daily, ok-minutely- with my arrogance.  I know for a fact I put on an air so that others will look and think “I want to be like Heidi”.  I struggle BUT I have learned that people in my life have responded and have come to life more when I am vulnerable, broken and not at the top of my game.  They can relate and want to be exposed too so they do not have to keep chasing the next carrot dangling.  It’s true, beloved, raw-real-truth is utterly more attractive than “I’ve got it all” Façade.  Try it.  Get with a close friend and share your heart.  God is asking you to lay it down so He can use you!    Not saying it won’t hurt, it will, but it is entirely and downright worth it.

My Beautiful Friend Linda

I recently visited a good friend in the hospital.  Linda is battling chrones, and this past year has knocked her down quite a bit.  She has fought for her life and is enduring constant pain.  Linda is a diva.  Adorably dressed in the newest and latest fashion.  She has cute nails, perfectly matched jewelry, and a smile that will warm your soul.  Lying in a hospital bed in a paper thin gown can take away from your trendiness.  One thing I noticed with Linda, I didn’t even notice!  As she shared with me her struggles, all I saw was beauty!  It wasn’t until I wanted to take a selfie of us is when she mentioned how ugly she must look!  Although I did notice the horrific tube coming out of her nose, I did not notice!  She was completely and utterly beautiful to me, because I knew her heart.  We took the selfie, and because she is not vain, she posted it on social media!  That is how I want to be!  Not worry about the outside- knowing my inside is pretty enough.

Purpose (exerp) from my Book!

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My mom is a saint.  No clue how she has not one gray hair in her head.  Raising me must have caused ulcers, migraines, prayer vigils etc.,   By the time I was 5 years old I had already been ran over by a car, had massive surgery that left me in a cast for 12 months, and totaled a pick up truck with just me and my baby sister in it.  If I were her, I’d be wanting a trade in.  But she never did.  She always kept an even pace that was consistent and purposeful. 

           So you want to hear about the truck being totaled?  Of course you do.  Remember I told you my dad was an oil roughneck.  That meant he worked on oilrigs. (and still does at age 65)  Sometimes all night and all day.  We were living in Vernal, Utah at that time, when my dad had some time off.  Being the kind of man he was, time off meant “Let’s go get some work done”.  And that is what he did.  He, my mom, my baby sister (2 yrs.) and myself all went up into the mountains to do some firewood chopping.  I guess you can just go up in the woods, cut down trees, and go burn them.   

When the chainsaw started up, my wise mom put us in the cab of the pick-up all safe and sound.  Unbeknownst to her, I knocked the gear-shift into neutral. ("knocked being a key word- it may have been on purpose). She noticed the truck starting to roll.  Panicking, she grabbed the tailgate to stop us rolling.  Her heels dug into the ground and she immediately realized she was not going to stop the roll.  Can you imagine, knowing your babies are in a ‘run away” pick up truck and there is ABSOLUTELY nothing you can do about it.  She screamed at my dad and he jumped to the driver’s side door.  Of course it was locked. That’s what passionate little girls do when they are scared. ‘Heidi, open the door” he hollered as he was jogging along side the pick up as it gained speed going down this massive mountain.  “Surely it will hit a tree and stop” my mom was thinking, trying hard not to panic.  About the time I actually got the door unlocked and open, a massive tree got in the way and my dad had to slam the door shut and run around the tree.  At a full sprint now, he made one last leap and grabbed the door handle.  It slipped out of his hand and the truck ran him over.  As he finally gathered himself and looked up, the truck flew off a hundred foot mountain.

            As they both cried and ran to the side of the cliff, they saw the pick up smashed in two.  “It was like a match book folded in two” My mom described “every single window was shattered, and I knew you had been thrown from the cab.”  When my parents made it down the side of the mountain to the vehicle, they found my sister and I snuggled in the floorboard covered in broken glass, with not one scratch on our body........

You may not have a miraculous story like that to tell- but the fact that you are breathing means you are a miracle and you have a purpose.  To know more about that purpose get my book!  

waiting for instructions

We are studying the book of 1 Samuel at church and I love the drama!  Who needs netflix when you can actually read God's word and get murder, deception, lies all in ONE chapter!

Israel was not content (as usual) and asked God for a king. "We want to be like the other kingdoms, waaa waaa, everybody else has a king but us! Waa Waa We want a king."  So what does a loving Father do?  He brings them a king!

In Chapter 10 we get to meet new king of Israel.  Super smart Samuel gets to anoint this guy--Saul.  (Side note, the texts depicts Saul as a big tall, handsome goof who loses his donkeys- probably not my first choice of king)  Nonetheless, Saul is anointed king.  After Samuel anoints him, Saul receives complete step by step instructions on what to do!

V. 2-  you'll find two men, v. 3 go to the oak of Tabor and meet three men one carrying goats, one with bread one with wine;  v.4 they'll greet you and give you two loaves, and you'll take them.....and so on.  For several chapters Samuel tells Saul EXACTLY what to expect and what to do.

Dear Samuel, can I please get a word from you?

OMY word, wouldn't it be amazing if we could get step by step instructions in serving God!?  NOT FAIR!  AND then it says "the Spirit of God falls mightily on him."

So not only does he get step by step instructions, he gets a full-on-fall-on-your-knees hit by the Spirit of God.  In verse 11, "others were wondering what had happen to him!" So this was a serious change in Saul.  (Oh Lord change my heart so others can see!)

But here's the kicker.  After all the instructions Samuel gave him (that panned out exactly how he said)...then the Spirit coming on him and changing his heart;  Saul still acts like nothing's new!  His uncle asks him in verse 14-16  "Hey Saul, what's up?  Where have you been?"  Saul tells him he went to find the donkey and couldn't find them, so they ask Samuel.  Samuel told him the donkeys where fine!  HE NEVER TELLS HIS UNCLE THE COOL STUFF THAT HAPPEN!

"But he did not tell him about the matter of the kingdom which Samuel had mentioned."  1 Sam. 10: 16b

Dear Saul, get a clue! You are anointed by GOD ALMIGHTY, own it dude!

Yet he doesn't.  Finally he gets to be presented as KING of ISRAEL, and he is hiding in the luggage! (verse 22)

Sad but true- I totally identify with Saul, yet want to criticize him all the same.  Look at the opportunity you have!  Look what God is doing for you, AND with a very wise mentor to help you.  Saul- you have Samuel as a mentor, you have God falling mightily on you, you have a kingdom that is pretty new to this king stuff, so why are you scared?  What an honor!

God has given me instructions before; I have felt the Spirit nudge me-- yet I hide behind my baggage all the time.  Although I may not have a step by step instructions, I have loving friends, mentors, family members that speak truth into me on a daily basis.  I have the Holy Spirit guiding my steps!  And though I'm not 'leading a kingdom'- I have serving a Kingdom!  Help me get out from behind the baggage and STAND Tall!!!!

9 Year Old Evangelist

"Mommy, guess what?!  She wants to be a believer!"  Abby exclaims on the phone in her tiny-squeeky voice.  "What do you mean?" I probe.  "My best friend mommy!  I told her what John 3:16 means and how we are sinners and will go 'down there' if we don't believe in Jesus." 

That was the phone conversation we had last night after my 9-year old hung out at her friend's house.   She and Abby have been best friends since first grade and have gone through a lot together.  Her best friend lost her mom to cancer two years ago, being raised by a single dad and two teen brothers, she has clung to our family unit.  Now her dad's girlfriend is pregnant and she is feeling pushed out!

Abby has such a sensitive spirit and is very in tune to the needs of others.  She is super happy and very vocal.  She says what is on her heart and usually persists on the matter until you give in.  Salvation topic is no different.  Her best friend's family is from Belgium.  They speak dutch, do not believe in doctors and for the most part buck organized religion.  But the daughter that became my daughter's best friend is beautiful, fun-loving, and kind.  A perfect combination to share God's love. "I told her about being born-again mommy, and that we get to have a new life as a Christian life!"

The conversation started months earlier when they were talking about their "crushes".  Abby told her friends that her number one crush is JESUS.  When her friends questioned her, she told them she wants to love him the most.  Why are we not all super-crushin' on the man who died in our place?!

Abby wanted to give her one of our Bibles and a journal so she can start a quiet time.  I sent witdh her the "Jesus Storybook Bible"- our family favorite, to start  out.  She is planning on coming to our AWANA and wants to "pray more" she told Abby.  "Mommy, we can do our quiet time together, and tell others about Jesus!"

"Go and make disciples in all the nations, baptizing them in the name of Father, Son and Holy Spirit."  I truly believe Abby is setting the standard for us believers.  She didn't want her Best Friend to hurt anymore, or be separated from God. She truly wanted her to KNOW her Jesus. 

Way to go little Abby!  Way to build the Kingdom of God!