Being Real
I’ve always been a competitive person. Not sure if it’s
learned or taught, but in any and all activities, I want to be at the top. I
want to win. I want the prize. The first big fight Marty and I had was over an
UNO game. As he laid down his second to
last card - I yelled “UNO” before he could.
That’s when it hit the fan. “You
have to give me a chance” was his plea.
No I don’t. Sometimes Passion and
Competitiveness is NOT a good combination.
After 16 years, I’m not sure we’ve ever settled that argument, but we
have learned to never play against one another again. (Lesson here loved ones, life is too
short- We are on the same team. But please let your sweet competitive loved
one win gracefully and don’t be a sore looser).
Being in sales, a bloodthirsty spirit to be the top will
help. Not only did I want that big fat
commission, the recognition was the kicker.
In Chris Woodward’s book LEADERSHIP REVOLUTION he states there
are three levels to leading. First level
is Money. That gets you in. Leaders see the financial benefit and will go
for it. If a leader stays at this level,
he’ll get burned eventually. The second
tier of leadership is recognition. This
is stronger than the pull of money. And I believe that. For so long I was a self-hater and when I started
to hear good things about myself through my successful sales, it became a drug. I needed more. I wanted more. I loved seeing my name on the top, I loved
hearing my name called out, I loved the accolades, the titles, the
photo-shopped pictures. The last level
that will keep a leader going according to Woodward is-- Life Destiny. When a leader gets to this level- money,
accolades etc., mean nothing unless you are MAKING a difference; when you are
doing what you were put on earth to do.
(I finally feel like I’ve arrived here- but it was a humbling journey.)
I was stuck in level two for a long time. I chased the next incentive, sometimes at all
costs. I put family, church, and self on
the back burner to get to that next promotion.
It’s exhausting! I would arrive and was never satisfied. I would work my tail off to sometimes fall
short and be blinded of the benefits of what I had accomplished. Being at the top was the only motivator. Unfortunately, it was all about me, and how I
would feel. Sometimes the rewards were
amazing and I relished in them; other times I would brush it aside to move to
the next. Not worth it. I can see how people stuck in this cycle
become a workaholic. It’s never ending, and much is never enough. Although I was at the top of my game, I needed
the next incentive to give me the rush.
When you are using pride and acknowledgment as a leading
cause to do your job, God will not honor it.
In fact, a Bible verse I learned as a tot was “Pride comes before the
fall”. And yes, my friends, it
does. At the top of my game, top in the
company, only 22 out of 100,000 plus women I had arrived. Although my team, my family, my ‘followers’
wanted to be where I was I knew the true motivation was not going to
sustain. AND then it happened. Company structure change and I had to demote
myself. I had 18 months to hit certain
numbers, which would be possible- but would take me working 24/7, ignoring my
family, and throwing myself into my work.
God and I came face to face, and using my mentor- He spoke right to my
soul. Through her He said; “Heidi, if
you are trying to stay at the top because of your pride, then God will never
ever bless your business.” Ouch- how
about a slap in the face.
Embarrassment, Shame, fear, doubt; in my mind it would’ve
been easier to be hit by a bus or struck by some ebola plague. I had to face the people I have trained, poured
into, encourage and tell them I am a failure, it’s harder than you think. Oh how I’d like to be anywhere else.
Remember Jesus talking to the rich young ruler. The ruler truly loved Jesus. He said so.
He even asked how he could serve and love Jesus more. Jesus knew the ruler was proud, He knew the
ruler enjoyed the tributes, the honors, the position. When asked to go sell all that he owned and
humbly follow, the rich young ruler was unable to lay his pride down. I know exactly how he felt. He could see the headlines “Rich Young Ruler
Loses Everything to Follow Homeless Guy.”
He had a reputation and it was more important than his relationship with
Christ.
Let me caution you reader.
I am a sinner and I struggle daily, ok-minutely- with my arrogance. I know for a fact I put on an air so that
others will look and think “I want to be like Heidi”. I struggle BUT I have learned that people in
my life have responded and have come to life more when I am vulnerable, broken
and not at the top of my game. They can
relate and want to be exposed too so they do not have to keep chasing the next
carrot dangling. It’s true, beloved,
raw-real-truth is utterly more attractive than “I’ve got it all” Façade. Try it.
Get with a close friend and share your heart. God is asking you to lay it down so He can
use you! Not saying it won’t hurt, it
will, but it is entirely and downright worth it.
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| My Beautiful Friend Linda |
I recently visited a good friend in the hospital. Linda is battling chrones, and this past year
has knocked her down quite a bit. She
has fought for her life and is enduring constant pain. Linda is a diva. Adorably dressed in the newest and latest
fashion. She has cute nails, perfectly
matched jewelry, and a smile that will warm your soul. Lying in a hospital bed in a paper thin gown
can take away from your trendiness. One
thing I noticed with Linda, I didn’t even notice! As she shared with me her struggles, all I
saw was beauty! It wasn’t until I wanted
to take a selfie of us is when she mentioned how ugly she must look! Although I did notice the horrific tube
coming out of her nose, I did not notice!
She was completely and utterly beautiful to me, because I knew her
heart. We took the selfie, and because
she is not vain, she posted it on social media!
That is how I want to be! Not
worry about the outside- knowing my inside is pretty enough.
